dear blog readers,
I didn't mean to almost completely disappear over the last two weeks.
As I stood at the opening to the Enormous Tiny Art show just two Fridays ago, I realized that months of non-stop projects, teaching and shows were, in that exact moment, coming to a close.
Coinciding with that, a number of personal challenges have decided to happen all at the same time, which if I had my way ~they wouldn't be happening at all, and especially not during the holidays. But these challenges to some degree are simply a part of life and what they also have in common, is that they are completely out of my control. Being a person who likes to feel in control of my life, as well as someone who knows how, even likes to look at a challenge or problem and find a solution, this is a tough spot for me. Yet ~ and you know I'm going to throw some positive spin on this because it's what I do ~ letting go is exactly what I need to learn right now. And this isn't the kind of letting go that I simply give lip service to only to move forward still trying to action things into place. something else I'm also fairly good at. This is the kind of letting go where I feel the weight of what I've, sometimes even unknowingly been carrying around, lift. In place of the weight, even when circumstances may not have changed, a sense of calm and peace.
This is when you completely give into your life as it is.
With everything I do, I give it my all. I give it my heart and I try very hard. "Try" is the key word here. After years of trying very hard to make so many things work and fit into place, which don't get me wrong, much of my efforts have paid off ~ I'm tired of trying. There is a slight distinction here that I want to make. I'm not talking about working hard, I'm talking about trying hard. We all work hard, and when you love what you do it is incredibly satisfying and fun, as the last several months have been for me ~ but when you try hard on top of working hard, this is when it gets exhausting. So exhausting in fact, that you don't even have the energy to write a blog post, saying that you're taking a blogging break. Why does the trying hard ultimately exhaust you? Because as a wise new friend pointed out to me last night, "you're coming at life from a place of thinking things aren't working instead of trusting that they are working. When you truly trust you don't have to try so hard." Even in yoga, it is well known that the founder of Iyengar yoga, B.K.S. Iyengar whose 91st birthday was just this past week, always tell his students who say "I'm trying" to "don't try, just DO!"
You know how it is when you hear these thoughts and philosophies a million times and you understand them intellectually and then one day, they just snap into place with a whole awareness? This is one of those times. I've intellectually known that I'm the kind of person that needs to let go more, and life is telling me loud and clear that now's the time to do just that. It's not going to be easy going at first, but seeing as how the alternative actually feels much harder, I know it's time to embrace this.
I'm sharing this with you not only to let you know that I'm going to be taking a little break here, but also because saying these things out loud, writing them down, telling you, holds me more accountable to what I am now wanting to live, a life with less trying, and more trust.
The biggest question I get as a teacher in my e-courses is about balance, "how to you balance it all?" and "all" means anything from how do you balance all the work you do, to how do you balance your work and personal life? Here's what I will tell you. Balance is to know how to gently go with the flow of your life. Balance is knowing when to take action and when to step back.
So with that, it's time for me to take a step back. Let this be the the start of an online break from blogging, facebooking, tweeting. It's a perfect time really, to take a break. It's holiday time, a time when I want to visit with friends, enjoy my city and all it's twinkly lights, be taken in by the special magic of this season, cook delicious meals, bake cookies, create for the sake of creating, take long naps, see an inspiring movie or two or three, read those books I've been wanting to read and make space, lots and lots of space for what's next, to come in.
I'm not sure when I'll be back. I'll leave that open for now. It could be a day, or it could be a couple of weeks. Just making a commitment to adding a more space in my life is feeling so good, that I'm beginning to get glimmers of excitement about what's next. This is how I know it's the right thing to do.
I never quite know how to close a post without saying the same thing over and over, or during this time in particular, without sounding like a Christmas card. All I know is want to say with great sincerity, thank you for coming to visit me here. Thank you for your continued support and encouragement. You inspire me to keep blogging, to keep creating, and to share more with you. Happy, happy holidays! If you need time, be sure to take some ~ it may be one of the best gifts you can give to yourself and others. xoxo
